The Day After, Act 1 Scene 1
I woke up today feeling good. Not blurry or fuzzy like last night. Seems like I needed to "stretch" more times than usual to get awake. Many more times. For those endurance athletes, like an overload of lactic acid in the muscles.
I was wrong about that initial feeling. I am blurry and fuzzy. Slowly, my entore body is getting stiff and sore. Like I did a really good full body workout yesterday. I was sure when I got up this morning that I could drive, no problem. It wasn't until someone drove me to Starbucks and I sat there, in the world, that I could appreciate my state of mind. If you have ECT, take the advice of your Doc: DON'T DRIVE.
I'm a very visual person. I learn visually, I conceptualize visually. I mentally dissect things, inspect the parts and reassemble before making decisions. Its just the way I work, it all happens quickly and smoothly, and it feels like a sharp razor. Today, I have a butter knife. I can't really get my thoughts on one thing and hold them there. Not that things are racing, but the opposite. My mind seems to wander off into neutral if I don't really focus.
I also notice that my internal guidance system is off. Not really off balance, but not on balance either. I was walking in Starbucks, looking to my left at something. I was moving between a display rack and a chair holding a coat and a breifcase/computer bag. There was plenty of room for me to pass, but I bumped the chair. I didn't wipe it out or anything, just a bump. The coat fell off. As I bent to pick the coat up, another bump. Now the computer bag fell and, of course, spilled contents all over the floor. No big deal, but embarassing. Its just one of several little things I have noticed being a little askew.
In addition to general soreness, my throat feels sore. I noticed it when I woke up post treatment also. I htink its really part of my jaw that's sore, but it feels more throaty.
The friend that drove me to Starbucks, Heidi, is really a friend of my wife's. We talked on the way. She commented that she thoguht this was a very "brave" thing I'm doing, very "un-selfish". It doesn't feel that way. Not at all. It feels like a burden on everyone for the sake of making me feel better. I guess I should adjust my perspective. it is a short term burden for the sake of making everyone's (in my life) life better long term.
I was wrong about that initial feeling. I am blurry and fuzzy. Slowly, my entore body is getting stiff and sore. Like I did a really good full body workout yesterday. I was sure when I got up this morning that I could drive, no problem. It wasn't until someone drove me to Starbucks and I sat there, in the world, that I could appreciate my state of mind. If you have ECT, take the advice of your Doc: DON'T DRIVE.
I'm a very visual person. I learn visually, I conceptualize visually. I mentally dissect things, inspect the parts and reassemble before making decisions. Its just the way I work, it all happens quickly and smoothly, and it feels like a sharp razor. Today, I have a butter knife. I can't really get my thoughts on one thing and hold them there. Not that things are racing, but the opposite. My mind seems to wander off into neutral if I don't really focus.
I also notice that my internal guidance system is off. Not really off balance, but not on balance either. I was walking in Starbucks, looking to my left at something. I was moving between a display rack and a chair holding a coat and a breifcase/computer bag. There was plenty of room for me to pass, but I bumped the chair. I didn't wipe it out or anything, just a bump. The coat fell off. As I bent to pick the coat up, another bump. Now the computer bag fell and, of course, spilled contents all over the floor. No big deal, but embarassing. Its just one of several little things I have noticed being a little askew.
In addition to general soreness, my throat feels sore. I noticed it when I woke up post treatment also. I htink its really part of my jaw that's sore, but it feels more throaty.
The friend that drove me to Starbucks, Heidi, is really a friend of my wife's. We talked on the way. She commented that she thoguht this was a very "brave" thing I'm doing, very "un-selfish". It doesn't feel that way. Not at all. It feels like a burden on everyone for the sake of making me feel better. I guess I should adjust my perspective. it is a short term burden for the sake of making everyone's (in my life) life better long term.
posted by DeMental at 11:42 AM
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