In response to comments by "Grandma" relating to "'Moving right Along'"
This entry is in response to comments (a second round, at that) entered by "Grandma", a frequent contributor to this blog. Please see "Comments" to the entry entitled "Moving Right Along" from a couple days ago. Thanks for the comments, Grandma. I hope I can clear up your confusion.
The fact that I seem to take what you (and others) think personally is simply a product of the fact that I am sensitive about the idea that I will not, for a while at least, be the primary income earner for my family. I don’t like the feel of that scenario, but its what works for now. I still have to say that I’m happy with where I am compared to a year ago, but playing house-husband is an aspect that doesn’t sit well.
The sidebar I changed a while back, and only in response to several suggestions, from people I actually know and others I know only through the blog, that I turn my story into a book. I just sort of tossed it out there as a broad net in case someone in position to get that ball rolling with me happened to come along. Too much going on to actively spend much time in pursuit right now And, while I would be able to tell my story for such purposes, I could only do so because I have recorded so much with the blog. My memory, of the period from about mid November through the end of March, is seriously affected. The stats say that most patients experience transitory short-term memory loss. Some (I don’t recall the percentage, but its high) find that “most” regain the majority of that loss over time. The other side of that coin says that “most” have some short term memory loss that is permanent, and some that is temporary. The length of time that it takes to regain the short term memory that is affected varies from days to months. In addition, some patients experience memory loss which is longer term and may be temporary or permanent. For example, I find that there are areas of knowledge which I had from the mortgage business, things like how to run credit reports and how long interest rate locks last, are either really spotty or missing altogether. Things from farther back, like law concepts and memories from earlier years of my life, all seem to be in place land intact (as far as the things which I have attempted to recall go.) Whether things like the mortgage concepts will return over time, I don’t know. I would like them to, so I won’t say that I don’t care, but I would still trade those cognitive features for the improvement in mood I have received through ECT. If not for ECT, I have no doubt that those lost cognitive abilities would be irrelevant at this time. Dead men originate no mortgages. To recap, however, while I could tell my story, I couldn’t do so from memory. It would have to come from recorded history and the memory of friends and family.
Talk to me about your suggestion concerning being “more proactive. Do you think a simple call to the APA main office would do any good? I’ve never really done anything (official) with them, and I have no idea how open to the idea of using my history/experience they might be. As for charging for engagements, there’s a bridge I’ll cross when I reach it. I have a feeling that those fees are sort of “market” set.
On the book idea, I know I will have to be more aggressive there to make anything happen. I wrote a book (in a very early manic phase) and did much research and proposing to agents in search of someone to publish my work. I have no interest in writing another book. I’m too much of a perfectionist, and the effort would invariably result in an obsession (at minimum) and more likely a slippery slope to mania. So, if an opportunity presents itself, I’m interested. But, for now, otherwise I’ll pass. I suppose its true that the story will always be there to be told, if and when I decide to pursue telling it.
I don’t thank God every day for my wife. I won’t go into my anti-religious philosophy and my stance on God and his followers. But I will say, with certainly, that I am an extremely lucky man to have such a wonderful woman in my life, and to have found someone, when things were much better and we were much younger and well before I had any idea about her amazing fortitude. She has proven to be reliable, resilient, tenacious, loving (is a vast understatement), and amazing on most every definition of the word as it can relate to personality. She is much more than I could ever claim to deserve, and I can only hope that I can provide enough to her in return to keep her by my side in the good times and the bad to come. I can only hope that I will be as remarkable for her if she ever needs me in that capacity as she has been for me.
No, my doctor didn’t go into much detail about the impact ECT would have on my ability to work and how long it might make me unable to carry out the types of work I am accustomed to. At the time, that topic wasn’t relevant. I was on a very short road to death, and life, regardless of incapacity to work, was my doc’s goal as opposed to the very certain and soon to be alternative. Neither my wife nor I had a clear picture of what life was going to be like after ECT, but as long as mentally it was better than things were before, we were of the opinion that ECT was worth the effort. We both are still of that belief, and I think, from a fully informed perspective, there is little argument that can be made with any success. I am, as you said, blessed, and very lucky to (a) be alive and feeling better and (b) in the company of such a wonderful person as Melissa. Melissa, I know you read this blog from time to time. I thank you face to face, but no matter how often I say the words, it will never be enough to express my gratitude for your strength and support. I love you.
So, 2 solid good weeks on the mental health front, and counting. Today was a test, created by my mentally ill son’s behavior (3 day weekends are very tough for him, and a bitch for us all.) But I turned around what was quickly becoming a “bad” day and made a pretty good day out of a bad start. I’m happy with where I am, and I look forward to tomorrow. Something that I never did just 4 short months ago.
Thank you for your continued comments, Grandma. Always thought provoking, and a welcome addition to this blog. I hope you continue to express yourself in this forum. Take care.
The fact that I seem to take what you (and others) think personally is simply a product of the fact that I am sensitive about the idea that I will not, for a while at least, be the primary income earner for my family. I don’t like the feel of that scenario, but its what works for now. I still have to say that I’m happy with where I am compared to a year ago, but playing house-husband is an aspect that doesn’t sit well.
The sidebar I changed a while back, and only in response to several suggestions, from people I actually know and others I know only through the blog, that I turn my story into a book. I just sort of tossed it out there as a broad net in case someone in position to get that ball rolling with me happened to come along. Too much going on to actively spend much time in pursuit right now And, while I would be able to tell my story for such purposes, I could only do so because I have recorded so much with the blog. My memory, of the period from about mid November through the end of March, is seriously affected. The stats say that most patients experience transitory short-term memory loss. Some (I don’t recall the percentage, but its high) find that “most” regain the majority of that loss over time. The other side of that coin says that “most” have some short term memory loss that is permanent, and some that is temporary. The length of time that it takes to regain the short term memory that is affected varies from days to months. In addition, some patients experience memory loss which is longer term and may be temporary or permanent. For example, I find that there are areas of knowledge which I had from the mortgage business, things like how to run credit reports and how long interest rate locks last, are either really spotty or missing altogether. Things from farther back, like law concepts and memories from earlier years of my life, all seem to be in place land intact (as far as the things which I have attempted to recall go.) Whether things like the mortgage concepts will return over time, I don’t know. I would like them to, so I won’t say that I don’t care, but I would still trade those cognitive features for the improvement in mood I have received through ECT. If not for ECT, I have no doubt that those lost cognitive abilities would be irrelevant at this time. Dead men originate no mortgages. To recap, however, while I could tell my story, I couldn’t do so from memory. It would have to come from recorded history and the memory of friends and family.
Talk to me about your suggestion concerning being “more proactive. Do you think a simple call to the APA main office would do any good? I’ve never really done anything (official) with them, and I have no idea how open to the idea of using my history/experience they might be. As for charging for engagements, there’s a bridge I’ll cross when I reach it. I have a feeling that those fees are sort of “market” set.
On the book idea, I know I will have to be more aggressive there to make anything happen. I wrote a book (in a very early manic phase) and did much research and proposing to agents in search of someone to publish my work. I have no interest in writing another book. I’m too much of a perfectionist, and the effort would invariably result in an obsession (at minimum) and more likely a slippery slope to mania. So, if an opportunity presents itself, I’m interested. But, for now, otherwise I’ll pass. I suppose its true that the story will always be there to be told, if and when I decide to pursue telling it.
I don’t thank God every day for my wife. I won’t go into my anti-religious philosophy and my stance on God and his followers. But I will say, with certainly, that I am an extremely lucky man to have such a wonderful woman in my life, and to have found someone, when things were much better and we were much younger and well before I had any idea about her amazing fortitude. She has proven to be reliable, resilient, tenacious, loving (is a vast understatement), and amazing on most every definition of the word as it can relate to personality. She is much more than I could ever claim to deserve, and I can only hope that I can provide enough to her in return to keep her by my side in the good times and the bad to come. I can only hope that I will be as remarkable for her if she ever needs me in that capacity as she has been for me.
No, my doctor didn’t go into much detail about the impact ECT would have on my ability to work and how long it might make me unable to carry out the types of work I am accustomed to. At the time, that topic wasn’t relevant. I was on a very short road to death, and life, regardless of incapacity to work, was my doc’s goal as opposed to the very certain and soon to be alternative. Neither my wife nor I had a clear picture of what life was going to be like after ECT, but as long as mentally it was better than things were before, we were of the opinion that ECT was worth the effort. We both are still of that belief, and I think, from a fully informed perspective, there is little argument that can be made with any success. I am, as you said, blessed, and very lucky to (a) be alive and feeling better and (b) in the company of such a wonderful person as Melissa. Melissa, I know you read this blog from time to time. I thank you face to face, but no matter how often I say the words, it will never be enough to express my gratitude for your strength and support. I love you.
So, 2 solid good weeks on the mental health front, and counting. Today was a test, created by my mentally ill son’s behavior (3 day weekends are very tough for him, and a bitch for us all.) But I turned around what was quickly becoming a “bad” day and made a pretty good day out of a bad start. I’m happy with where I am, and I look forward to tomorrow. Something that I never did just 4 short months ago.
Thank you for your continued comments, Grandma. Always thought provoking, and a welcome addition to this blog. I hope you continue to express yourself in this forum. Take care.
posted by DeMental at 9:50 PM
1 Comments:
The problem is, your psychiatrist did not have the legal, moral and ethical obligation to tell you ONLY that information you, months later, would have deemed relevant. And she wasn't excused from telling you the truth about what is known about ECT's permanent cognitive effects because she knew that, should you become permanently disabled by her treatment, your wife would and could support you.
A doctor has the obligation to inform ALL patients of the effects of treatment, including permanent adverse effects. Check out the Colorado statute. Most states have a standard like: What a reasonable patient would want to know.
Imagine that you were a single person,with no husband or wife, the sole support of yourself, without any savings and without any family. Many who get into ECT are in that situation. Can you imagine how you'd feel, and more importantly how you'd survive, if you hadn't been able to work for five months, had no disability income, and had no prospect of being able to go back to work in the foreseeable future---when you hadn't planned for this because your doctor hadn't told you it was a possibility? How would your rosy assessment (your "advocacy")ECT be affected in those circumstances? Can you imagine you might feel differently?
You can say that you would have chosen ECT even had you known, but wouldn't you, even in your circumstances, prefer to have been informed? Wouldn't you like to have known before rather than after the fact that you could no longer do the work you'd been doing?
Here is something else your doctor didn't tell you (or, more likely, affirmatively lied to you about). I know you will be able to handle it because you are so happy with your ECT and just feeling great. I am just going to give it to you straight, it's kinder that way.
YOUR MEMORY IS NOT GOING TO COME BACK.
Not in a month. Not in six weeks, or eight. Not in six months. NEVER.
It has not come back to anyone who had ECT, ever. Yes, doctors tell that to every patient. Yes, they lie.
WHAT YOU DO NOT REMEMBER NOW, YOU WILL NEVER REMEMBER. You may relearn things like how to originate mortgages. But you are not going to remember.
The more ECT you have, the more you will not remember, and you will never remember what is erased.
If you doubt this, just wait; you will see. Another way to check it is to ask your doctor: Where is that study that shows that erased memory returns in x weeks/months? What scientific data did you base that promise on?
One more thing: How do you know that you were in the mood to kill yourself before, if you can't remember your history?
Oh, if you wanna call the APA, they know exactly who to put you in touch with. There is probably a lot of work available misleading potential ECT patients just the way you were misled. That should keep you busy and earn you big bucks over the years as you wait for Godot, I mean, the return of your memory.
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