Shortest job ever?
Monday, I went to my daughter’s awards ceremony at school. She is graduating from the 5th grade and moving on to “middle school.” How did she get to be 11 already? Those deep depression years seem like they were part of some bad movuie I watched while I missed that part of her growing up. I have a lot of catching-up to do with respect to being a “dad”. My wide and I got a special invitation to the ceremony because Maggie was receiving the “President’s Citizenship Award”, given to one boy and one girl from her 5th grade class. Of all of the awards that they give, this one, in my opinion, which comes from caring about her classmates and helping people out when they need help, is one of the more special ones. I’m very proud of her.
Monday was also my first, and my last, day of work at my new job. I'm sure that there is no end to the list of people that start a job, and then just don't go back for day, or at least call and let the employer know that they won't be back. That's not my style, but I DID call a nd let them know. I’ve never been good on the phone. I’ve never liked talking in the phone. I’m much better in person. Since my childhood stuttering days, the phone has been a scary world for me. My new job is entirely on the phone, talking to strangers and trying to close deals on “handyman” jobs at these people’s homes. In addition, talking about money with people I don’t know is uneasy for me (strange, given my several year history in the mortgage business, which seemed different for some reason.) My new job is filled with discussions about what these handyman jobs will cost, estimates, service charges, etc. I was so thrilled that someone wanted to hire me, after getting shunned by REI, that I overlooked the part about whether I would enjoy this job, and whether it would be a good endeavor for maintaining my currently good mental health. I stuttered and stammered and struggled all day on the phone, under “on the spot” pressure with potential customers while trying to figure out this web-based estimating software so I could give them reasonable estimates for what their repair work would cost. I held myself together all afternoon, in fact didn’t realize how stressed and losing it I was, until I got home. Then, in the privacy of my own home, I crumbled from the day’s stresses. I absolutely fell apart, couldn’t talk about it, wanted to be alone so I could just roll around in my self-loathing. Last evening, not fitting well into this job seemed like an admission that I was unable to do anything ever again. There was a battle between my pride (it gets me in trouble a lot) telling me to get back in there and make things work, and my common sense telling me that this job was bad for me and for my family in the big picture. Today, in a clearer light, I can see that “this job” wasn't going to working out. I’m back in the hunt for a Home Depot or Lowes floor job.
Melissa, once again, was my guardian angel. She is so supportive. “Its not worth your mental health for whatever they are paying you to do this work. I support you if you decide to go back tomorrow and give it another day, and I support you if you call them and tell them you are sorry, but its just not going to work out. You have to make that call, and I know you will make the right call.” I know that I don’t deserve her, but I am infinitely grateful that I have her in my life.
Monday was also my first, and my last, day of work at my new job. I'm sure that there is no end to the list of people that start a job, and then just don't go back for day, or at least call and let the employer know that they won't be back. That's not my style, but I DID call a nd let them know. I’ve never been good on the phone. I’ve never liked talking in the phone. I’m much better in person. Since my childhood stuttering days, the phone has been a scary world for me. My new job is entirely on the phone, talking to strangers and trying to close deals on “handyman” jobs at these people’s homes. In addition, talking about money with people I don’t know is uneasy for me (strange, given my several year history in the mortgage business, which seemed different for some reason.) My new job is filled with discussions about what these handyman jobs will cost, estimates, service charges, etc. I was so thrilled that someone wanted to hire me, after getting shunned by REI, that I overlooked the part about whether I would enjoy this job, and whether it would be a good endeavor for maintaining my currently good mental health. I stuttered and stammered and struggled all day on the phone, under “on the spot” pressure with potential customers while trying to figure out this web-based estimating software so I could give them reasonable estimates for what their repair work would cost. I held myself together all afternoon, in fact didn’t realize how stressed and losing it I was, until I got home. Then, in the privacy of my own home, I crumbled from the day’s stresses. I absolutely fell apart, couldn’t talk about it, wanted to be alone so I could just roll around in my self-loathing. Last evening, not fitting well into this job seemed like an admission that I was unable to do anything ever again. There was a battle between my pride (it gets me in trouble a lot) telling me to get back in there and make things work, and my common sense telling me that this job was bad for me and for my family in the big picture. Today, in a clearer light, I can see that “this job” wasn't going to working out. I’m back in the hunt for a Home Depot or Lowes floor job.
Melissa, once again, was my guardian angel. She is so supportive. “Its not worth your mental health for whatever they are paying you to do this work. I support you if you decide to go back tomorrow and give it another day, and I support you if you call them and tell them you are sorry, but its just not going to work out. You have to make that call, and I know you will make the right call.” I know that I don’t deserve her, but I am infinitely grateful that I have her in my life.
posted by DeMental at 9:42 AM
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