Opportunities
Had a good run today. No shin problems. I stretched really well and massaged the hell out of both of them before starting my run. I figured the more blood flow the better off I’d be. There was no hint of cramping. Good sign. I was getting concerned that I was mistaking cramps for shin splints.
I’ve begun swimming on my non-running days. No, for those of you paying attention, that doesn’t mean I’m depressed, with the outdoor pool open and a quearter-mile from my house, its just easier than loading up to play racquetball (plus, I’m at the pool about every day at some point, anyway.). Really, only the A players play ball in the summer. I’ll go back to it when fall rolls around.
I was asked yesterday, by a friend of the family, to do private swimming lessons with her son. He’s about 8 and is on the neighborhood swim team, but she feels he needs some individual attention. This is going to bring back memories of some good times gone by. I taught swimming to groups of kids for about 7 years and individual (“private”) lessons for much of that time as well. I love teaching kids to swim, and it will be such a thrill to watch Mick (the child in question) excel under my tutelage. I’m looking forward to it very much.
I was also given the opportunity yesterday to go on a church “mission trip” to Belize this summer. Those that know me know that I’m not religious in the least. Dealing with the church part of the trip will be a little trying. But I will be spending a week building a pre-school in a very poor part of a very poor country. The experience, the chance to help someone out and feel good about every day when I wake up, knowing that my time will be for a worthy purpose, and “roughing it” for a week in the sweltering tropical weather will be a “religious” experience of its own kind. And lest you think that this is purely an altruistic venture, I will have the opportunity at the end of the week to scuba dive the largest barrier reef complex in the northern hemisphere for a couple of days, including (I think), the infamous “Blue Hole.” Time to put my newly acquired (last summer) advanced scuba certifications (deep diver, advanced open water, and navigation diver) to some use!
Another writing from my past. This one was written July 30, 2003. I had stopped living my life, and was just existing. I hadn’t experienced the epiphany of living life as it comes, and enjoying it while its here, with all of its many experiences and learning opportunities.
Life…
Here we sit, all living on this planet. What is YOUR purpose? Do you know? Have you given it ANY thought? Do you agree that you must have a purpose? Why else would we be here? Is this just a stop-over to someplace else? Is this IT? Is there nothing else to life, existence, and being other than this ruthless monotonous pattern practiced day-in, day-out, week after week?
My typical day involves waking up, showering, getting dressed, drinking coffee, work, work, work, work, eating lunch, work, work, work, and then rushing home to workout, eat dinner, get the kids to bed, get stoned to ease the pain of the day, and sleep so I can get up tomorrow and do it all over again. THIS is what I have come to call “living”. But when you look at it, and dissect it, there is no living going on. There is NO fun involved, unless you count the social interactions with colleagues or the workout. Neither of those, and none of the rest of the day, generates that emotion people call “happiness.”
I have always remarked that “I do not live to work. I work to live.” Its bullshit. Somewhere along the way, I forgot what happiness feels like. I forgot how to have fun. And until I can return to “working to live”, my life will be a dismal one.
I’ve begun swimming on my non-running days. No, for those of you paying attention, that doesn’t mean I’m depressed, with the outdoor pool open and a quearter-mile from my house, its just easier than loading up to play racquetball (plus, I’m at the pool about every day at some point, anyway.). Really, only the A players play ball in the summer. I’ll go back to it when fall rolls around.
I was asked yesterday, by a friend of the family, to do private swimming lessons with her son. He’s about 8 and is on the neighborhood swim team, but she feels he needs some individual attention. This is going to bring back memories of some good times gone by. I taught swimming to groups of kids for about 7 years and individual (“private”) lessons for much of that time as well. I love teaching kids to swim, and it will be such a thrill to watch Mick (the child in question) excel under my tutelage. I’m looking forward to it very much.
I was also given the opportunity yesterday to go on a church “mission trip” to Belize this summer. Those that know me know that I’m not religious in the least. Dealing with the church part of the trip will be a little trying. But I will be spending a week building a pre-school in a very poor part of a very poor country. The experience, the chance to help someone out and feel good about every day when I wake up, knowing that my time will be for a worthy purpose, and “roughing it” for a week in the sweltering tropical weather will be a “religious” experience of its own kind. And lest you think that this is purely an altruistic venture, I will have the opportunity at the end of the week to scuba dive the largest barrier reef complex in the northern hemisphere for a couple of days, including (I think), the infamous “Blue Hole.” Time to put my newly acquired (last summer) advanced scuba certifications (deep diver, advanced open water, and navigation diver) to some use!
Another writing from my past. This one was written July 30, 2003. I had stopped living my life, and was just existing. I hadn’t experienced the epiphany of living life as it comes, and enjoying it while its here, with all of its many experiences and learning opportunities.
Life…
Here we sit, all living on this planet. What is YOUR purpose? Do you know? Have you given it ANY thought? Do you agree that you must have a purpose? Why else would we be here? Is this just a stop-over to someplace else? Is this IT? Is there nothing else to life, existence, and being other than this ruthless monotonous pattern practiced day-in, day-out, week after week?
My typical day involves waking up, showering, getting dressed, drinking coffee, work, work, work, work, eating lunch, work, work, work, and then rushing home to workout, eat dinner, get the kids to bed, get stoned to ease the pain of the day, and sleep so I can get up tomorrow and do it all over again. THIS is what I have come to call “living”. But when you look at it, and dissect it, there is no living going on. There is NO fun involved, unless you count the social interactions with colleagues or the workout. Neither of those, and none of the rest of the day, generates that emotion people call “happiness.”
I have always remarked that “I do not live to work. I work to live.” Its bullshit. Somewhere along the way, I forgot what happiness feels like. I forgot how to have fun. And until I can return to “working to live”, my life will be a dismal one.
posted by DeMental at 1:48 PM
2 Comments:
Do not, repeat not, go diving until you take that class and earn that certification again. You may think you remember how to do it and what you learned, but you don't want to get many fathoms under the water and put your life in danger because you have forgotten what you are doing.
Do not assume that you remember what you knew last summer. Especially when your safety is at stake.
I know a person who has had ECT who will not go diving because he realizes he cannot trust his memory and that learning does not stick with him. You can't bring crib sheets into the deep!
Reading the excerpt from July of 2003, its clear that while you are depressed and angry, you were in full conflict with the futility of "chasing the dream" that so many of us numbingly accept without question. Weird huh, how the depression gave you an honest insight about yourself that you weren't seeing while "normal".
As I read your thoughts about the trip to Belize, I believe you will find much more spirituality than religion during the journey. Someone once said that religion is for those who are afraid they may go to hell - and spirituality is for those who have already been there.
Welcome back my friend...
Bill
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