Magic #6 holds?
As risk of putting the big jinx on things, as of 6:00 pm, Monday's treatment, #6, is holding.
I am certain that something has changed today. Its not quantifiable or even qualitatively definable. But Its different. As if the shit colored glasses through which I have viewed all of life for as long as I can remember now has a different hue. Not rose colored. Not yet. There is still a filter for every thing I perceive, but it’s a better filter. Noticably better. Melissa commented that several “little things” which would have prompted an explosion just a couple of weeks ago have come and gone with much less stress and emotion. But, she also commented that there is some definite “fuzzy memory.” I have to agree. Nothing critical or life important, but rather, conversations forgotten and thoughts which seem much more fleeting than usual.
Except for my continuing impatience about the “future” (i.e. money and financial well-being and profession), today has been the most peaceful day I have had in as long as I can remember. I can’t seem to let the future be the future for now. It just seems against my nature to let something of that magnitude be “outside of my control.” Today, my inclination is that my days in the mortgage business are very numbered (by choice). See, even in trying to leave my future “to be decided”, I mentally narrow things down. I am lucky to have the support of family, and to know that no matter what path I decide is the right one going forward, that I can rely on that support.
Coffee-shop Barometer: I am becoming less and less concerned with all of those “others” that usually create an inherent annoyance. I’m not “as concerned”, still, there is fringe annoyance everywhere if I look for it. Dogs barking, phones ringing, persistent and repetitive noises. Those still present a quick irritant.
Scheduled for tomorrow at 11:00. I am second guessing the move to bi-lateral treatment, given the changes I notice today. I think I will put the information in the doctor’s hands and see what she makes of it. Melissa still wants me to make the change.
I am certain that something has changed today. Its not quantifiable or even qualitatively definable. But Its different. As if the shit colored glasses through which I have viewed all of life for as long as I can remember now has a different hue. Not rose colored. Not yet. There is still a filter for every thing I perceive, but it’s a better filter. Noticably better. Melissa commented that several “little things” which would have prompted an explosion just a couple of weeks ago have come and gone with much less stress and emotion. But, she also commented that there is some definite “fuzzy memory.” I have to agree. Nothing critical or life important, but rather, conversations forgotten and thoughts which seem much more fleeting than usual.
Except for my continuing impatience about the “future” (i.e. money and financial well-being and profession), today has been the most peaceful day I have had in as long as I can remember. I can’t seem to let the future be the future for now. It just seems against my nature to let something of that magnitude be “outside of my control.” Today, my inclination is that my days in the mortgage business are very numbered (by choice). See, even in trying to leave my future “to be decided”, I mentally narrow things down. I am lucky to have the support of family, and to know that no matter what path I decide is the right one going forward, that I can rely on that support.
Coffee-shop Barometer: I am becoming less and less concerned with all of those “others” that usually create an inherent annoyance. I’m not “as concerned”, still, there is fringe annoyance everywhere if I look for it. Dogs barking, phones ringing, persistent and repetitive noises. Those still present a quick irritant.
Scheduled for tomorrow at 11:00. I am second guessing the move to bi-lateral treatment, given the changes I notice today. I think I will put the information in the doctor’s hands and see what she makes of it. Melissa still wants me to make the change.
posted by DeMental at 5:14 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home