Seizure #26, comin' up!
Its been two weeks since my last hospital visit. Two GOOD weeks. I'm glad I'm going in tomorrow. I would rather keep things on the "good" side than wait until they digress and then try to get back on track.
The weather people have been promising us a "winter storm" for two days now. 12-16 inches of spring snow is the forecast. It was supposed to blow into town about 3pm today. The ground is wet, and its 7:30pm. They are still saying its coming, but usually when they make this big a deal out of a storm, it turns out to be nothing. Its the ones they don't warn us about that turn out to be killers.
I wonder how much of a winter storm we would have to have in order for my treatment to be cancelled. I mean, its not unusual for the power to flicker on and off, or just go out altogether in the bigger storms. I sure as hell don't want the electricity to go off in the middle of my "electroconvulsive therapy"! Bad enough if it went off while we were in the OR before they put me to sleep. It would be pitch dark in there!
Last treatment, I had the worst headache of my life afterward. I don't know what was different, but I have to remember to tell my doc not to do it again. Otherwise, I don't really have any worries about this treatment. Been there, done that. I get e-mail from people who tell me that the first 12 or 24 can go just fine, and then all of a sudden, you get a "bad one" and the side effects are tremendous or you lose significantly more memory or something on that order. You know, I could worry about that. But the truth of the matter is, had I not started ECT when I did, it would have been a mere couple of days until I ended my own life. The plans were lain, and my only task remaining was to resolve my inner conflict "How do I end my life without leaving me kids thinking that daddy didn't love them enough to struggle through his depression?" So, worst case, my treatment goes terribly astray and my memory is forever mangled or some other such thing happens. Yes, that would be terrible, to have something bad happen and ruin the wonderful progress I have made with ECT. There is a long way I could fall from where I am now. I am worlds above where I started, and I owe all of that to ECT and the support from my friends and family. But worst case, I can't be any worse than the "dead" that I had planned for myself had I not began ECT. That's the way I see it.
Wish me a good one.
The weather people have been promising us a "winter storm" for two days now. 12-16 inches of spring snow is the forecast. It was supposed to blow into town about 3pm today. The ground is wet, and its 7:30pm. They are still saying its coming, but usually when they make this big a deal out of a storm, it turns out to be nothing. Its the ones they don't warn us about that turn out to be killers.
I wonder how much of a winter storm we would have to have in order for my treatment to be cancelled. I mean, its not unusual for the power to flicker on and off, or just go out altogether in the bigger storms. I sure as hell don't want the electricity to go off in the middle of my "electroconvulsive therapy"! Bad enough if it went off while we were in the OR before they put me to sleep. It would be pitch dark in there!
Last treatment, I had the worst headache of my life afterward. I don't know what was different, but I have to remember to tell my doc not to do it again. Otherwise, I don't really have any worries about this treatment. Been there, done that. I get e-mail from people who tell me that the first 12 or 24 can go just fine, and then all of a sudden, you get a "bad one" and the side effects are tremendous or you lose significantly more memory or something on that order. You know, I could worry about that. But the truth of the matter is, had I not started ECT when I did, it would have been a mere couple of days until I ended my own life. The plans were lain, and my only task remaining was to resolve my inner conflict "How do I end my life without leaving me kids thinking that daddy didn't love them enough to struggle through his depression?" So, worst case, my treatment goes terribly astray and my memory is forever mangled or some other such thing happens. Yes, that would be terrible, to have something bad happen and ruin the wonderful progress I have made with ECT. There is a long way I could fall from where I am now. I am worlds above where I started, and I owe all of that to ECT and the support from my friends and family. But worst case, I can't be any worse than the "dead" that I had planned for myself had I not began ECT. That's the way I see it.
Wish me a good one.
posted by DeMental at 6:25 PM
1 Comments:
Keep up your great attitude Mike. I'll be hoping for you that you don't end up with one of those killer headaches. I know how bad they are. You just want to rip your head off. (Or someone elses!)
You're doing so good. It's really inspiring. Good luck today.
Post a Comment
<< Home