A day in the sun
Today started on the short side of "good". I woke up and just didn't have the "sparkle" that has been there most days lately. Maybe I'm getting spoiled, but I'm sort of getting used to that sparkle. Luckily, it arrived soon after the day started.
I had a busy day. I went for a cup of coffee and to read for about an hour. Its how I start most Sunday mornings. Then, with my list in hand, I went to Home Depot. I had a gate to rebuild/fix, landscape lights to make work, and a whole house baseboard replacement to get geared up for. The gate project alone, in the past, would have been hell on earth. I've worked on that damned gate at least 5 times in the last 3 years, all under the spell of a nasty depression or a wild mania, and all with nearly no success. It still was falling apart, it wouldn't patch, the wind would blow it open and let the dogs out, etc.
If you've ever tried to transport five 12 foot pieces of baseboard in a Jeep Wrangler, you've had the fun I had today. I had baseboard sticking out both ends of the soft top, with red flags on each end. It was awesome. But I got home without incident.
I spent 5 hours working on the gate. Much longer than I expected, but it was more work than I expected. I wound up having to rebuild part of the gate and the adjacent fence so that I could make the latch work, and the gate and fence are pretty old and weathered, so the wood is a bit tricky to work with. I might have been suspicious of my mood today. I might have been convinced that I was riding a mania. But I worked all day with my son, who is mentally ill as well and for whom I generally have little tolerance (and when I'm not well, either depressed or manic, I simply can't tolerate him.) He was with me for the whole five hours, helping, getting in the way, learning how to use tools, asking questions. There is no way that that would have worked if I wasn't having a good mental day. And the day went by without incident. The fence got fixed beautifully, no swearing or throwing things took place. It was all cool.
The baseboard job scares me. Its will be a new experience for me. Cutting mitered angles and detailed wood work will be a good test. My first surprise came today when I learned that the 12 foot baseboard strips that I thought were $.72 each were really $.72/foot! Ouch!
I decided today that the Xanax XR that my ECT doc has prescribed isn't doing the job. I take it in the evening, and it just doesn't slow me down enough. I used to use another drug, one that was not prescribed by a medical doctor and which will remain unnamed, every night to unwind so that I could face another day tomorrow. I stopped that quite a while ago in favor of alprazolam and Lunesta, which did the trick. The switch to XR form of Xanax just isn't cutting it, even with the advantages and benefits of ECT. It took me too long to recognize this, but I finally tuned in to the fact that on nights when I have this crushing headache from ECT (about one out of every three nights) and I take my prescribed Percocet, I relax and have a good evening and go to sleep like a normal person and sleep all night (thanks to Lunesta.) And on nights without the headache and without the Percocet, I don't relax and go to sleep. Tomorrow, I tell my doc that I need to do something different. A Percocet addiction just isn't in my best interest, and I'm too smart (and getting too well) to let that happen.
I'll end with a terrific quote I picked up today. Its a Ralph Waldo Emerson: "Whilst sitting on the cushions of advantages he goes to sleep, when he is pushed, tormented, and defeated, he has a chance to learn something." I ought to be pretty damned educated by this point.
I had a busy day. I went for a cup of coffee and to read for about an hour. Its how I start most Sunday mornings. Then, with my list in hand, I went to Home Depot. I had a gate to rebuild/fix, landscape lights to make work, and a whole house baseboard replacement to get geared up for. The gate project alone, in the past, would have been hell on earth. I've worked on that damned gate at least 5 times in the last 3 years, all under the spell of a nasty depression or a wild mania, and all with nearly no success. It still was falling apart, it wouldn't patch, the wind would blow it open and let the dogs out, etc.
If you've ever tried to transport five 12 foot pieces of baseboard in a Jeep Wrangler, you've had the fun I had today. I had baseboard sticking out both ends of the soft top, with red flags on each end. It was awesome. But I got home without incident.
I spent 5 hours working on the gate. Much longer than I expected, but it was more work than I expected. I wound up having to rebuild part of the gate and the adjacent fence so that I could make the latch work, and the gate and fence are pretty old and weathered, so the wood is a bit tricky to work with. I might have been suspicious of my mood today. I might have been convinced that I was riding a mania. But I worked all day with my son, who is mentally ill as well and for whom I generally have little tolerance (and when I'm not well, either depressed or manic, I simply can't tolerate him.) He was with me for the whole five hours, helping, getting in the way, learning how to use tools, asking questions. There is no way that that would have worked if I wasn't having a good mental day. And the day went by without incident. The fence got fixed beautifully, no swearing or throwing things took place. It was all cool.
The baseboard job scares me. Its will be a new experience for me. Cutting mitered angles and detailed wood work will be a good test. My first surprise came today when I learned that the 12 foot baseboard strips that I thought were $.72 each were really $.72/foot! Ouch!
I decided today that the Xanax XR that my ECT doc has prescribed isn't doing the job. I take it in the evening, and it just doesn't slow me down enough. I used to use another drug, one that was not prescribed by a medical doctor and which will remain unnamed, every night to unwind so that I could face another day tomorrow. I stopped that quite a while ago in favor of alprazolam and Lunesta, which did the trick. The switch to XR form of Xanax just isn't cutting it, even with the advantages and benefits of ECT. It took me too long to recognize this, but I finally tuned in to the fact that on nights when I have this crushing headache from ECT (about one out of every three nights) and I take my prescribed Percocet, I relax and have a good evening and go to sleep like a normal person and sleep all night (thanks to Lunesta.) And on nights without the headache and without the Percocet, I don't relax and go to sleep. Tomorrow, I tell my doc that I need to do something different. A Percocet addiction just isn't in my best interest, and I'm too smart (and getting too well) to let that happen.
I'll end with a terrific quote I picked up today. Its a Ralph Waldo Emerson: "Whilst sitting on the cushions of advantages he goes to sleep, when he is pushed, tormented, and defeated, he has a chance to learn something." I ought to be pretty damned educated by this point.
posted by DeMental at 5:20 PM
1 Comments:
Love the quote.... have you tried klonopin for your nightly knock-down? I use that in teensy doses throughout the day and a little higher at night pre-ambien, and it's starting to help me a whole lot. There are so many drugs, it seems, and it's such a chemistry experiment. good luck as always!
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