Being a "selfish boor"

This entry is in response to the "anonymous" comment which labels me a "selfish boor." First, have the balls to put your name or some profile in the system.

I accept your opinion that I am selfish. But you missed the big boat, buddy. I'm not an advocate for ECT because I hated my work. I hated being the mortgage counselor that I was, but previously, I loved being a lawyer. Depression took THAT away, not ECT. I advocate for ECT because it saved my life, which has nothing to do with whether or not I liked my job. And I don't advise ECT for everyone. Everyone has thier own circumstances and has to judge, for themselves, if the risks are worth the potential reward. If you read enough of the blog, you will see that I was at a crossroad and my choices were to end my life and end the pain from my illness, or give ECT a try (having tried all the meds available.) Choosing ECT had nothing to do with my profession. It had to do with saving my life. Would I advocate ECT to someone to address heart disease? Of course not. Would I advocate ECT to someone who still had treatment options available to them which might work to better thier depression? Maybe, but probably not. Would I advocate ECT to someone at the end of the road, preparing themselves and thier family for suicide? Hell yes.

I KNEW going in that there were risks inherent in ECT. I chose not to delve too deeply into those risks at that time because i really didn't want to know. What was the purpose? My choices were simple, and I was already scared enough. The risks inherent in ECT were certainly no worse than death (in my opinion.) I always had (and still have) the option for death, if ECT went aray or if I can't live with the side effects.

Many people oppose my view, and they have the absolute right to do so. Many people are pissed off about the experience they had with ECT, and they have the right to that also. But why dwell on that? There's a legal system for things like being wronged by the medical professionals that treated them. Use it, if you have a case. Otherwise, in my situation, I can only look at the fact that there is a new "me." Actually, its the third "me." There was the "pre-depression" me, the "depressed" me, and the "post-ECT" me. I've accepted that, and accepted the fact that I'm alive because of ECT. My family would rather have me alive but changed than dead and gone. I agree. And understand that I didn't WANT to go the ECT route. I didn't want to put my family through that. At the time, I wanted to simply end my life and give my family access to the rather large life insurance policy that I have in place (and on which I am WELL past the "suicide" clause.) It was only after my wife pleaded with me for quite some time that I agreed to give ECT a try, for better or worse. So, selfish can be your opinion, oh wise unnamed one. And I know that everyone isn't as fortunate as me, to have the support of a family through the recovery period (however long that turns out to be.) I know that not everyone has good things to say about ECT. But would you advise people in the position in which I was to kill themselves, instead of trying a controversial and risky treatment as a last resort? Would you take away from those in my position the option of ECT because you and/or yours had a bad experience? Who's selfish?

An old Chinese proverb goes something like "One should avoid strong opinion on that about which he/she has little knowledge." And, by the way, you didn't have to choose your words so as to avoid sensorship. I don't "sensor" anything. If you have more to say, say it in the words to which you are inspired. But try stepping outside of your little world and understanding that ECT is a good choice for some people. I'm sorry your experience (seemingly) was negative. I know I lost a lot with ECT. But I'm alive to discuss the pros and cons. Without ECT, I wouldn't be alive.