Saturday, August 26, 2006

Making Lemonade

My mood has been fairly stable lately. The less I think about our house in Denver not being sold and the less time I spend with Mic, the better my mental health is. I feel bad, guilty, admitting that time with my son is a negative in the mood category when time with my daughter is a positive, but it’s a truth. My frustration tolerance, overall, isn’t quite what I would want it to be, but it may never be. Work is going well (it gets a bit boring at times, but then its not a very tough job either.) I’m not making much, and its not glamorous, but its more than I was doing a month ago, and I’m handling “work” better now than I have in 5 or 6 years.

Friday night, the family had planned to go out for dinner, and afterwards, mom and Maggie were going to get Maggie some new clothes. It seems that tomboy Maggie and her “boyish” clothes weren’t fitting in quite so well at the new school. Maggie is feeling like an outsider already, being the new kid, and the clothes were just exacerbating the problem. Maggie wanted to go a little more “girlie” (but NOT frilly). I told her that she didn’t need to change a thing to fit in, just to be the same old Maggie and friends would come with time, but I’m just the dad…what do I know? Clothes shopping with Maggie is like fishing in the bathtub…not much chance of catching anything. Especially if I’m holding the pole.

Given the plans and Mic’s mental status this week, it was foreseeable that Mic would have a say in what the family plans actually turned into. About 30 minutes before we were to leave, Mic had a total screaming, cursing, hitting himself in the face, hitting walls, crying, throwing things melt-down. Its been a daily event this week, and the episodes are getting more outrageous and violent with time. I really worry that he’s going to hurt himself soon, or worse, hurt Melissa, or worse yet, hurt Maggie. He’s taken a swing at her once and threatened to hurt her or kill her more than once. I think my concern, even some fear for myself and my family, is warranted. Maggie has voiced that she is afraid of him. I can’t even remember what last night’s ordeal was over (aka where it began. After the origin, the continuation of the fit is always just irrational psychotic chaos.) I think school in the current setting is just WAY too much for him. Melissa and I differ on this point, but I think Mic and all of us would be better off with Mic in a higher level of care (probably residential.) Anyway, I decided, after about 30 minutes of the fit, that I wasn’t going anywhere with him for dinner or anything else. I was prepared to stay home with him while the girls went shopping and to eat, but the stress of being in public with him was just too much for me. The stress of staying at home with him was easier to deal with. The girls could just bring me something and I would fix something for Mic and get him to bed.

I’m just the dad…what do I know? Melissa and I haggled for about 45 minutes about who was staying home and who was taking Maggie, each wanting the other to go. Melissa: “No, you and Maggie go. I’m prepared today to deal with Mic and I don’t want your weekend mood set by this episode. Go and have a nice dinner and get Maggie some clothes.” Me: “YOU go. You deal with him most of the time, I’m not really hungry or in the mood to go have a good time after all of this crap, and what do I know about shopping for Maggie’s clothes? We will wind up with no new clothes if I go. You two go, have a nice meal, GET some clothes, and bring me something to eat. I’m ok to deal with Mic this evening (and I was.)” Back and forth we went, interspersed with random flare-ups from Mic. I lost. Maggie and I set out and I had little optimism that I would be able to help her find anything suitable to wear (between what she WOULD wear and what was girlie enough to fit in.) But I was ready for the challenge, and I love spending time with Maggie.

We shopped for a couple of hours. Old Navy, Target, other places…and actually found some shirts! At Target, I FOUND three shirts for her that she agreed to! Me…dad…found the shirts for Maggie. Who would have believed it? Then, she and I shared a great meal at O’Charley’s (sort of a limited menu Chili’s…not sure if there are other locations or not.) By the time we got home (two and half hours after we left), Mic was asleep, mom was settled and comfortable, and all was quiet on the home front.

So, from a horrible start (another horrible afternoon) (aka lemons), came this wonderful several hour period with just Maggie and I doing something we never do together (shop) and having dinner alone (aka lemonade.) It was a great evening, and something we need to do more of. It was the first meal with kid or kids in longer than I can remember (remember that “as long as I can remember” isn’t very long) during which the meal wasn’t subject to the constant threat of a Mic explosion or Melissa and Mic going over and over Mic’s horrible table manners (I keep expecting his eating behavior to improve…and I should realize that its not going to. Another topic in and of itself, but he crams food in as fast as he can, like someone’s going to take it if he doesn’t hurry, and chews with his mouth open with food all over his face. It drives Melissa NUTS.) It was a nice, enjoyable, normal dinner and evening out, only over-shadowed by my guilty feelings because Melissa was missing out on it by staying home with Mic. A good example of enjoying the moment, and ignoring all the things that are wrong with my life.

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