Purpose
With my family gone, I have been very intent on keeping myself busy, working on projects around the house, running around town doing things, and getting together with friends for dinner and similar things. My mood, for the most part, has been very good and very stable. I've noticed no slippage or volatility, other than some frustration resulting from the shitty shitty racquetball I played this morning (I don't have a problem with losing...oh, wait, yes I do. I hate to lose. But I REALLY hate to lose to people that have no business beating me even on my bad days.)
All of this "staying busy" has brought back this nagging question. One that I have kicked around with both a stable mind, and when things weren't so stable (or down-right unstable.) Why am I here? What is my purpose? Am I surviving today just for the sake of being here tomorrow? I can't help thinking, after all that I've been through with this whole depression thing that there has to be a reason for my existence. There has to be a specific reason for which I am here in this life. And the conclusion that I come to is that either (1) I am here to influence the life (or lives) of someone else, or several others, or (2) I am here to leave some legacy or to have some greater effect on the world that I leave behind than that of which I am currently aware. Maybe my role is simply to mold or help mold the lives of my kids. Maybe my role is to help shape the path on which treatment for depression or ECT travels. Maybe its something much simpler and indirect, like I interfere inadvertently with a day in the life of someone who, because of the slight changes which my interference create, go on to do something great or meaningful or life altering for many others. Who knows? Do other people think about these things? If so, what conclusions do they come to? Am I the only one that is convinced that there must be some specific reason that I'm here? "Live for today" just doesn't seem to do it for me. Living for today just puts me into tomorrow, which is likely to be just like today, unless I do something to make it different.
End of ramble. I'll let you know if I come to any brilliant conclusions. Please don't hold your breath in anticipation.
All of this "staying busy" has brought back this nagging question. One that I have kicked around with both a stable mind, and when things weren't so stable (or down-right unstable.) Why am I here? What is my purpose? Am I surviving today just for the sake of being here tomorrow? I can't help thinking, after all that I've been through with this whole depression thing that there has to be a reason for my existence. There has to be a specific reason for which I am here in this life. And the conclusion that I come to is that either (1) I am here to influence the life (or lives) of someone else, or several others, or (2) I am here to leave some legacy or to have some greater effect on the world that I leave behind than that of which I am currently aware. Maybe my role is simply to mold or help mold the lives of my kids. Maybe my role is to help shape the path on which treatment for depression or ECT travels. Maybe its something much simpler and indirect, like I interfere inadvertently with a day in the life of someone who, because of the slight changes which my interference create, go on to do something great or meaningful or life altering for many others. Who knows? Do other people think about these things? If so, what conclusions do they come to? Am I the only one that is convinced that there must be some specific reason that I'm here? "Live for today" just doesn't seem to do it for me. Living for today just puts me into tomorrow, which is likely to be just like today, unless I do something to make it different.
End of ramble. I'll let you know if I come to any brilliant conclusions. Please don't hold your breath in anticipation.
posted by DeMental at 7:01 PM
1 Comments:
You are not alone in wondering about this, Mike!
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