Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday - No Treatment
Its been a long week, with no treatments. But its given me a lot of time to think, reflect, organize my head, take inventory, and figure out who and what I am, and what I need to change to be who and what I want to be.
I woke up this morning in a good mood. A better mood than I have realized in as long as I can remember. In fact, I woke up in such a good mood that I had to wonder if it was a manic mood (and I'm still holding that question open, because I'm not sure I have a solid answer.) I am scheduled to go to some dance thing at my daughter's school this morning at 10:40, and then she asked me to stay and have lunch with her afterward. Since I can't drive yet, I'm walking to Lamar's Donuts in a few minutes (about 2 miles), and then across the park to the school so that I get my exercise in before the snow starts today. I'm not crazy about a bean and cheese burrito from the school cafeteria for lunch (we have NOTHING at home to take), but its not often that my daughter asks me to eat lunch with her, so "no" wasn't an option I was open to.
I have been paying much attention, the last couple of days especially, to my mood and my outlook and my approach to my surroundings. Until this morning, I might not have described my mood as "good", but without a doubt things are different, better. And I have racked my brain to figure out HOW things are different. I asked Melissa if she could tell a difference in me as well. Her answer: "Yes, everybody can. You are a totally different person than you were 6 weeks ago." I think most of it is that I feel like I "want" to be here. Every moment is not filled with dread and loathing. I feel like I should be stressed out of my mind. I mean, I have no job, I am on disability (which pays a fraction of the shitty salary I was earning at my last job), and that converts to long term disability in a week, which will pay an even smaller fraction. My wife makes virtually nothing. Financially, we are ok for several months, but the fuse is burning. I should be stressed about arranging an income stream. And that is certainly on my mind, I think about it. But I just don't seem to be stressed about it. I know it will happen with a modest amount of diligence on my part. I'm a very talented and intelligent (not to mention overly educated) guy. The old me would have been stressed to the core. The new me is confident that things will fall into line. That's part of the epitome of the difference.
I will be talking to an old boss of mine next week about going to work for his small law firm. I have a fair confidence that we will come to some terms and that will happen. Other thoughts I have concern Guardian ad Litem (child advocate) legal work, or something along the lines of helping people out of financial trouble as all of these variable interest rate, high LTV mortgages get more expensive and strangle people, and they realize that, under the revised bankruptcy laws, they don't have the easy-out bankruptcy options they had before in order to escape their unsecured debt. Something along the lines of debt consolidation and renegotiation/counseling. My challenge in that market is finding an efficient way to tap into the market of people I know from working in mortgages. Shouldn't be too tough. If I can be of assistance in reorganizing a client's financial picture such that they can continue to make their mortgage payment as it climbs with rising rates, but they can lessen the burden of unsecure debt through negotiation or bankruptcy, there is a never-ending market for that service.
Got a ride (still can't drive due to the treatments) from a neighbor to Tattered Cover Bookstore. Its the greatest bookstore ever, except for the other Tattered Cover (downtown), which is older, better, but closing. Next to Tattered Cover is Fatburger, quite possibly the best burger joint in the world. Had lunch and read/people watched at tattered Cover for a couple of hours. Had a few moments of mood shift while I was there. Can't pinpoint what was going on, but it had to do with feeling bad for not working, wondering what I am going to do. It didn't last long. Great day, overall.
I woke up this morning in a good mood. A better mood than I have realized in as long as I can remember. In fact, I woke up in such a good mood that I had to wonder if it was a manic mood (and I'm still holding that question open, because I'm not sure I have a solid answer.) I am scheduled to go to some dance thing at my daughter's school this morning at 10:40, and then she asked me to stay and have lunch with her afterward. Since I can't drive yet, I'm walking to Lamar's Donuts in a few minutes (about 2 miles), and then across the park to the school so that I get my exercise in before the snow starts today. I'm not crazy about a bean and cheese burrito from the school cafeteria for lunch (we have NOTHING at home to take), but its not often that my daughter asks me to eat lunch with her, so "no" wasn't an option I was open to.
I have been paying much attention, the last couple of days especially, to my mood and my outlook and my approach to my surroundings. Until this morning, I might not have described my mood as "good", but without a doubt things are different, better. And I have racked my brain to figure out HOW things are different. I asked Melissa if she could tell a difference in me as well. Her answer: "Yes, everybody can. You are a totally different person than you were 6 weeks ago." I think most of it is that I feel like I "want" to be here. Every moment is not filled with dread and loathing. I feel like I should be stressed out of my mind. I mean, I have no job, I am on disability (which pays a fraction of the shitty salary I was earning at my last job), and that converts to long term disability in a week, which will pay an even smaller fraction. My wife makes virtually nothing. Financially, we are ok for several months, but the fuse is burning. I should be stressed about arranging an income stream. And that is certainly on my mind, I think about it. But I just don't seem to be stressed about it. I know it will happen with a modest amount of diligence on my part. I'm a very talented and intelligent (not to mention overly educated) guy. The old me would have been stressed to the core. The new me is confident that things will fall into line. That's part of the epitome of the difference.
I will be talking to an old boss of mine next week about going to work for his small law firm. I have a fair confidence that we will come to some terms and that will happen. Other thoughts I have concern Guardian ad Litem (child advocate) legal work, or something along the lines of helping people out of financial trouble as all of these variable interest rate, high LTV mortgages get more expensive and strangle people, and they realize that, under the revised bankruptcy laws, they don't have the easy-out bankruptcy options they had before in order to escape their unsecured debt. Something along the lines of debt consolidation and renegotiation/counseling. My challenge in that market is finding an efficient way to tap into the market of people I know from working in mortgages. Shouldn't be too tough. If I can be of assistance in reorganizing a client's financial picture such that they can continue to make their mortgage payment as it climbs with rising rates, but they can lessen the burden of unsecure debt through negotiation or bankruptcy, there is a never-ending market for that service.
Got a ride (still can't drive due to the treatments) from a neighbor to Tattered Cover Bookstore. Its the greatest bookstore ever, except for the other Tattered Cover (downtown), which is older, better, but closing. Next to Tattered Cover is Fatburger, quite possibly the best burger joint in the world. Had lunch and read/people watched at tattered Cover for a couple of hours. Had a few moments of mood shift while I was there. Can't pinpoint what was going on, but it had to do with feeling bad for not working, wondering what I am going to do. It didn't last long. Great day, overall.
posted by DeMental at 7:57 AM
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